Friday, January 15, 2016

A growing heart; my greatest gift!!!

At 5:33 and 5:36 January 13, 2016 two tiny loves entered our family and changed our world forever!

 For weeks leading up to the birth I tried to imagine what life would be like with 2 more children; 2 more small, sweet, helpless people who would need a mama that could nourish and love them around the clock.  How could I find a way to freeze time and the needs of the rest of my family in order to give these babies all that they would need to survive?  And more importantly, how could I stretch my heart in order to give the love needed to sustain my family emotionally?
  Evenings can be magical times for communication at our house.  Sometimes communicating with boys is tricky.  They don't always gush out their emotions so you have to be ready to listen when they are ready to talk. 
  My little ones have a ritual of Dad or Mom "talking" to them at night. They have to be all ready for bed and lying down in the darkness to earn the privilege. They call it "questions"  Derek always knows just the right things to ask.  Sometimes they ask us  the questions about life or about our childhood etc.
These evening conversations are a chance to get a little more brain cells out of Mom or Dad in a calmer environment that doesn't compete with email, cell phone conversations or other siblings needing help. 
 With the older boys we bond in the evenings by watching an episode of one of their favorite shows.  This has also been a really sweet time with no younger siblings competing for our attention.  Although the older kids have mostly grown out of the evening conversations there are times when one or both of them will say: "Do you want to talk?" Many times these invitations come after a long day when I'm particularly excited about heading to bed myself.  The temptation is strong to make a plan to talk another time, but I know that for as rare as these opportunities come, I need to embrace each one and be the listener they need at that moment.
 On Sunday evening I got pretty emotional realizing that by the next Sunday all would be different in our home.  I went to each of the rooms of the 3 older boys and had a talk with them, telling them how much I loved them and that even with two new brothers coming my heart would still be with them. For weeks I prayed sincerely that I could truly be enough.
When I got to hold the babies for the first time I knew that my prayers had been answered.  It was perhaps not unlike the moment when the apostles gathered the few loaves and fishes they could find and after distributing enough for all in need they found their baskets overflowing in excess, a true miracle.  At that moment my heart was bursting with the most intense love; love for these sweet little beings, love for my husband for the amazing journey we traveled together to get to that moment, and  love spilling over and over for each of our special loves at home. I knew I don't have to try to be enough all by myself.  With God, ALL things are possible.  We are ALL enough because of HIM!