Sunday, July 24, 2016

Reflection and Recjoicing

Today is Pioneer day (the day that Brigham young declared to the Latter-Day Saints that they had found the place to settle after years of persecution and oppression.)  It has also been exactly one year since I found out that we were expecting twins.  I'm amazed at all that has happened and how dramatically our lives have changed since that day one year ago.  

I spent so much of my energy worrying about how tricky it was going to be having 2 babies, but I didn't realize that the babies were not going to be the tricky part...The trick is figuring out how to parent a teenager, a couple of tweens and two younger kids while spending sleepless nights rocking babies and changing messy diapers.  I absolutely LOVE my babies!!!  

And I absolutely LOVE my big kids, but their needs are so very different and when you feel like your brain is full of baby food and then you are hit hard with a very real, very heartbreaking older-child trial that requires prayer and pondering and clear thinking it gets challenging and you wish you could just snap your fingers and pause the messy diaper need and put your whole heart into another issue that requires your love and attention.

Sometimes it feels overwhelming and I wonder if there would be fewer fights, more respect, more peace and order in a home with out so many real issues.  

This week I was humbled and changed by 2 amazing mothers.  The first is an amazing girl who signed up to bring me a meal after my twins were born having never before met me.  She brought enough food for a small army; homemade muffins, homemade bread and minestrone soup (yes homemade!) "Who is this girl?"  I wondered, that would spend an entire day making this amazingness for complete strangers.  I soon learned she was expecting and vowed to bring her a meal when her baby was born however inferior my meal would be to hers.  I waited for her baby to be born.  Then, today in Church I learned that just days before her baby was to be born, his heart stopped beating.  Yet, today, only a few weeks after this devastating loss she stood in church speaking on the topic of hope in God through covenant keeping. 
The other mother that changed me this week gave birth to a sweet baby just weeks ago.  The doctors told her that due to a rare condition he had he wouldn't survive their stay at the hospital.  Defying their predictions, this little one has left the hospital and is making a brave go at life.  Although this family knows their time with their baby will be short, they live each day with courage and faith enjoying the moments they do have together.  
I am so very moved by these women of faith.  I am filled with emotion thinking of what they are going through and yet in my interactions with both of them this week hoping to offer some kind of comfort, I was the one that was lifted. 

 I know that things at my house are crazy and that there are moments when I just long for a little peace, but I wouldn't wish it away for anything.  I want wake each day with joy that we have the opportunity to live this day with our children.  Life is beautiful! Life is fragile!  Life is hard! We all have our own fire to pass through to refine us into the individuals that God intended us to become.

For the longest time, I felt like adding more children to our lives would be too difficult and I feared I wouldn't have the strength for it.  I have come to learn that the inspiration to bring these little guys into the world was not meant to be a trial as I had feared, but a gift.  They are a prize, a treasure that is getting me through difficult times I have with the other children.  Whenever things get crazy I only have to glance at their chubby faces to know that ALL IS WELL.  And truly it is!